... My Job

Many people have been asking me what I am doing, now that I am done with school and at times I feel the urge to lie because of the quantum of questions that will follow after my answer. 

But I don't blame them because, these are stories that I had heard before and I never knew that one day, I will be the one on the other end sharing the story. You see, God is one interesting guy and my journey with Him has had its sad times and its happy times - which are like most of the times because of the way things just fall into place when you depend on Him, still learning to fully rely on Him. Get this, His ways are not our ways. 

An simple example would be, lets say when you wake up, roll out of the bed and thank God for the beautiful day then go ahead and ask Him to make it lovely... trust me, He will. You may not notice it but that day, you would get out of the house in time, on your way to catch a matatu you meet a friend who ends up paying the fare for you (that's if you're a chic and this friend is a dude #justsaying), as you walk to the office, the guy who sells sweets by the road side smiles really hard at you and  drawls "madam, si ukona handbag poa!"(madam,you have a really nice handbag), I mean, don't you think your day has started off on a very good note!!!

God clearly tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 that He knows what He's doing. He has it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Did I tell you how much I love love love my job? Let me take you back to where it all began. When I stopped being a child, when I stopped talking like a child, when I stopped thinking like a child, when I stopped reasoning like a child, when I put my childish ways behind me... OK, you get my point, 

when I finished high school, my parents took to me to a certain university to do a course on youth discipleship. I didn't have a problem with it because, I mean... you can never go wrong with God. I did not put much thought into it but I have to tell you, that was one of the best things that has happened in my life. 

It was during my time there that I got to fully decide to follow Christ with all my heart. It was a painful process but worth it, I come out stronger, having to get rid of so many things that used to give me 'pleasure'... having  to start life a fresh because that is what happens when you get born again. Being born again means getting born again. 1 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!" *

After graduating from that course, being all fresh and crispy, ready to conquer the world with the skills and knowledge I had acquired from Bible school, I was given an opportunity to be part of the youth leadership at my church. Being a leader, I can, but in church, I didn't think that was my purpose from God. I would rather have a human boss than God being my boss, can you imagine!! Therefore, I chickened out because I felt that that was a very huge responsibility that I was not ready to take upon myself plus other factors. And that my friend is what you call a Jonah moment. 

And we all know what happened to Jonah, if not, look for a Bible and then take a look at the book of Jonah. It's a very short story and I promise, it will take you a maximum of an hour to read, that's if you are a sloooooooow reader like me. 
After I was done escaping, I continued on with my life and I temporarily forgot what that was all about until the other day when I was done with school. It is normal to look for a job after finishing school. Since I did not want to be left out and  seem lazy, I entered the rat race. For some reason, I was not putting that much effort as my friends were/are or what the society expects me to. ( If my dad sees this, he will kill me because I made him get me internet so that I can tarmac online :-D ) 

In my quest for a job, my Friend who is a pastor asked me what I thought about ministry, not ministry of public works, but ministry for the Lord. Something funny, that morning before he called me up, as I was doing my morning jog, the thought of working in a church had randomly crossed my mind but I brushed it off because like before, I made myself believe that was not my purpose. I guess God was laughing at me knowing what was in store for me. 

So, I asked him to give me time to think about it because this is HUGE.  I tried to forget but it kept haunting me. I could not sleep. In that moment, I remembered listening to a talk show sometime back where a certain missionary was sharing a story of how one day she could not sleep for some reason and so, she decided to talk to God and after they were done conversing, she slept like a baby. Having heard that,I decided to try this thing out and see whether it would work, though I did not know what to say but when I started praying, I felt this peace in my heart.

 I remember asking God if this opportunity is really from Him, He should show me. And He did. Have you ever heard someone tell you something and you wonder where that came from?? That happened to me, and after i realized what was happening, I knew that was from God. I guess it was time my Jonah moment caught up with me. Thank God I wasn't swallowed by a whale. Yikes!
As I write this, it's my second week as a youth ministry intern and I can tell you, I think I'll be here for a while. And so for those who will meet me and ask me what I am doing and why ministry, all I can say is that, I was given an opportunity to serve God and therefore I am working for my Lord #kingdombusiness. 

In all this, I have come to realize that His ways are clearly not my ways and when He says that He knows what He's doing. He has it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for, HE WILL DO IT!!  Now I understand why I was not in a hurry to look for a job because at some point I thought I was missing the chase and that its my laziness that had taken over my body, mind and soul. I would like to encourage you who is reading this, that when the Spirit of the Lord convicts you, listen to it and obey. You may ask how one would know, I assure you, you will know when it happens. There is joy in trusting and obeying the Lord. It comes with a good deal for life.

P.s I slept like a baby too,when I was done praying 

*Amplified Bible
Lazizi

...MISSION POSSIBLE

This morning I woke up feeling like crap, bad (as if there is a good one) headache and a bit of a stomach discomfort though it all started yesterday when I was at work… yes AT WORK. I work these days, as an intern but I believe better things lay before me my friends. I feel like I am getting a cold from someone, who… I won’t mention because I think they might read this post. Just a random thought, would you want to be friends with your boss on social media?? 

Hmmmmm, my first instinct would be a definite NO but think about it…. I won’t tell you what I think. Anyway, I have to go see a doctor in the afternoon to check if all my organs are functioning well. We thank God for doctors, I remember when I was small I used to tell people when they ask me that I would want to be when I grow up, and I would confidently yell “A doctor!”, little did I know what stood a head of me. The sight of blood just freaks the hell out of me but don’t be mistaken people, I’m still gangster.

It’s just that blood…

I just started reading the book of Nehemiah (clap for me). It’s a short Story about Nehemiah (duh), he was a cup bearer of some Persian king who lived in those days, the Before Christ days. Copy pasted from Wikipedia,A cup-bearer was an officer of high rank in royal courts, whose duty it was to serve the drinks at the royal table. On account of the constant fear of plots and intrigues, a person must be regarded as thoroughly trustworthy to hold this position. He must guard against poison in the king's cup, and was sometimes required to swallow some of the wine before serving it. I am having mixed feelings about this whole cup bearer thing, it would be fun having to eat what the king eats but what if the food is poisoned….Oh my gaaaaad!! 

So now, Nehemiah was neither a priest like Ezra nor a prophet like Malachi. He served the Persian king in a secular position before leading a group of stubborn Jews (oh my word, the Israelites walikuwa vichwa ngumu, God knew why I wasn’t their Moses or Joshua) to Jerusalem in order to rebuild the city walls. “Nehemiah’s expertise in the king’s court equipped him adequately for the political and physical reconstruction necessary for the remnant to survive." Under Nehemiah’s leadership, the Jews withstood opposition and came together to accomplish their goal. Nehemiah led by example, giving up a respected position in a palace for hard labor in a politically insignificant district. He partnered with Ezra, who also appears in this book, to solidify the political and spiritual foundations of the people. Nehemiah’s humility before God (see his moving intercessory prayers in chapters 1 and 9) provided an example for the people. He did not claim glory for himself but always gave God the credit for his successes.

For those of you on facebook , I’m sure you’ve read that  #stolen update about who knew a young black boy whose  grandmother came from… would become the president of the most powerful and all that yidi yadi yada. If you haven’t seen it, lemme know, I’ll post it on your wall! I am sure Nehemiah did not ever think that he would one day lead the people of God in a very strategic and significant way. Nehemiah recorded the reconstruction of the wall of Jerusalem, Judah’s capital city. Together, he and Ezra, who led the spiritual revival of the people, directed the political and religious restoration of the Jews in their homeland after the Babylonian captivity. Nehemiah’s life provides a fine study on leadership. He overcame opposition from outsiders as well as internal turmoil. He exercised his administrative skills in his strategy to use half the people for building while the other half kept watch for the Samaritans who, under Sanballat, threatened attack (Nehemiah 4–7). As governor, Nehemiah negotiated peace among the Jews who were unhappy with Persian taxes. He exhibited a steadfast determination to complete his goals. Accomplishing those goals resulted in a people encouraged, renewed, and excited about their future.

This whole story kept me thinking about myself. Has God place me somewhere strategically in order to fulfill his purpose? To be honest, that idea has NEVER crossed my mind, not that I live my life aimlessly. Don’t get it twisted, I do know I’m on a mission in this life but some things are nowhere in my RAM but I am glad that God has placed this one. And I hope you too, get to think about it. Do you think you’re in that work place coz of the skills you acquired from school and you need money, money, money, money? Do you think you’re in that church coz it is your needful act as Christian to attend church on Sunday? Do you think you were born in that family coz it is nature that your parents did the needful to act on God’s command to fill the earth?  Do you think you’re friends with some people because some forces made you become close? Or don’t you think it is God’s design for you to be strategically place there, so that you can fulfill his purpose. 

May it be that house help in your house, who always reads the Bible to tell your children about the stories that God has written in his Holy book so that they can grow up respecting God and you, the parents. She might be intimidated that she is just the help, but God gives her the strength to continue with the mission of spreading the gospel. You might feel like you’re not significant in so many ways, in your family, your church, your work place, your circle of friends, your Bible study group but I have something to tell you. You are significant in God’s eye. He installed a GPRS system in you the moment you decided to belong to Him.

 And whatever you do to glorify His name like giving that blind guy who normally plays hymns on his harmonica a ten shilling coin (not One bob, coz 1 bob cannot buy anything, Mr. Berry ilipanda bei, it’s two bob these days, just in case you didn’t know), it is significant.

Everyone is on a journey, to same, it may be a bed of roses but to some, it may be the thrones in the rose bush. I always say that in this life, nothing is permanent. It will reach a time that you will be on the roses or on the thorns but all in all, lets always have in mind,God, he will make your mission possible. I need to tell Tom Cruise that…ha!

Be blessed :-)

... it's who I am

I finally decided to revive my blog because so many people have been asking me what happened. I had been trying to ignore that whole part of me but it keeps haunting me like a house sleeper cells. *sigh

Makes me feel sad about myself because it is who I am, I always give up. I gave up writing because I thought it's only my friends who would read it because I would tell them to but I came to find out that other people actually read. Not to flatter myself but that kinda shocked me and at the same time made me happy! Some random guy from church who I didn't know was my friend on Facebook because I'm those people who would accept a friend request if you have at least one mutual friend of which, I discovered is a dangerous move. *yikes

asked why I stopped writing. Anyway, lemme stop digressing, my main reason why I decided to come back to one of my loves is because I decided to make a choice to change. One wise man told me *ehem my boyfriend... that we tend to make excuses that we have weaknesses yet it is who we are. Excuses like I am not so good at this and this because of this and that, oh I can't do this because of whatever reason but its actually who we are. and I'm sure some are wondering "..is that a problem?"

I think it is. I would tell people that one of my weaknesses is that i always give up on things if they don't go my way, or I tend to relax on my zeal for God when things become good, when i don't have issues. Don't you think that is a problem.

Yes!!! I've always wanted to use this..hehehehe. anyway...back to what I was saying. I think its a very big problem if you have things in your life that you need to change. For example me, being less aggressive on having hunger and thirst for God's word affects my relationship with God, and that's a HUGE problem. This decision should be personal, not because of what other people would say but because it is your own choice and that it would make you a better person :-).

I have decided to start blogging again, because my personal journey with God had started to digresss and blogging used to make me think alot about God all the time because I would always look forward to telling guys about what My Lord has done for me and this kept me in check. So, to the people who've been asking me about my writing, you have been haunting my heart and I thank you and guess who's back!!

Pray with me, as we continue with this journey. I had missed you. Food for thought, 

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” 

― Leo Tolstoy

Till then lets spread the word of God like Christ did. Be blessed .

...love is patient

When I was in primary school or should I say elementary school, I remember we used to memorize verses from the Bible and 1^st Corinthians 13 was one of them, the chapter of love. At that time, I just had to memorize them because we were being evaluated by the class teacher, and mind you it was in King James Version(thoueth be thee hardest version) but now that I’m all grown up and mature, those verse makes so much sense in terms of my relationship with God, my family and friends. I guess it’s because of the situations I have been exposed to or I have exposed myself to.

At times, I regret why I got into relationships at such a young age, if I tell, you will be shocked. But I’m sure if my parents read this, they will be shocked because they know there only girl as the ‘pastor’ who is responsible in the decisions she makes, knowing what is right at the time. If wishes were wishes, I would go back in time and change some of the things I did, but life isn’t that easy. One of my lecturers normally tells us that one of his teachers told him that “Fools learn from their own experience, the wise learn from other peoples experiences.” I guess I’m a fool… anyway, of late I have been thinking about my life, how it has been, and my past relationships. I know it was never love because in 1^st Corinthians 13:8 says ‘Love is eternal (never ending)’ and in another version, ‘love never fails’. I don’t know whether to blame the society or the media or myself, for allowing ‘them’ to influence my decision and how I do my things.

But since experience is the best teacher, now I know that love has never been lust nor will it ever be because that’s how it was to me. Unlike lust, God’s love is directed outwards towards others, not inward towards ourselves. The only way to practice this kind of love is if God helps us set aside our own desires and instincts and become like Christ. We were all created in God’s image and likeness meaning we have the mind of God. So, I have decided that the next relationship I get myself into will be based on love, a relation’ship’ where Jesus is our captain and our faith anchored in him. The kind of love that is patient, not in a hurry to do what the world thinks is love but what God thinks is love. The kind of love that is kind… ready and anxious to do good to others not because it’s a must but because they are willing to. The kind of love that is not jealous nor having pride. The kind of love that does not keep a record of wrongs, always bring up the past, I thought it’s for forgive and forget. The kind of love that is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth even though it hurts. The kind of love that never gives up, in bad times and in good times, when you no longer feel my vibe or when you do because I believe love is a choice not a feeling. If God had feelings, don’t you think many of us could be done by now? How many times have we disappointed him? But still, he loves us to death!! His love is eternal and this is what I want. I know a man and a woman can have this kind of love.

I am not perfect but it is my prayer, everyday, to be perfect in God’s eyes because that is what matters to me the most, what God thinks of me. It is my prayer that I be that person that shares this love to the people that God has brought my way and therefore, I am taking back my regrets of having been in those many relationships because I know, there is a reason for everything. I am so grateful that God saved me and that my relationship with him is becoming better and better, seeing things in different ways that I had never seen before. The other day I was watching the movie “Courageous”, such an amazing movie and I remember telling God that He cannot let me watch this movie and settle for less than this. God…I want that and the thought of it just makes me happy. God answers prayers and I know he has already answered mine, just waiting for the perfect time to swing him by, maybe he has… At times I wonder if I have met my future husband but that’s for God to know and me to find out. I suggest you look for it if you haven’t watched it, a gangster like me was almost crying. P.s I don’t cry in movies by the way but wedding show gets into me. Stop judging…

Love is the greatest of all human qualities and it is an attribute to God himself (1^st John 4:8). Love is an action. When faith and hope are in line, you are free to love completely because you understand how God loves. May God grant the desires of your heart. 

...tonight

I just wanna be
Closer to Your heart
You will find me there
Everything I am
It’s because of You
It’s because of You
And now, we sing
Tonight...I’m giving You all of me
Tonight...I let go of everything
Tonight...I’m giving You all of me
I give You all of me

Let’s pray
Dear Father in the name
Of Your holy Son
I desire like Jesus prayed for us to be one
I desire to give
I desire to serve
I desire to love others with more than my words
Bless me to be humble
Bless me to be meek
I want to be a joy when people come around me
Give me a gentle spirit
Bless me to be content
Please keep me from my sin
Let me quickly repent
Please give me discipline
Give me self control
To know when to stop and when to say no
Make me a bold witness
Please remove fear
Replace it with faith
Pour out Your spirit here
Fill me up Lord
Let me overflow
Let me overdose
Make me holy
Keep me close
I want to give it all
Until there’s none left
But I can’t beat You givin'
Look at Your Son’s death


I can see You talking to high priest
Peter just denied You
For the second time
One more time he will deny You
One of the officers smacked You in the face
But he didn’t understand that You were actually grace
But the people would rather see the release of a thief
Than to know forgiveness and be with the Prince of Peace
And as they screamed for Pilate to crucify You
I hear my own voice because every day I deny You
But yet You still bore the cross on Your vertebrae
Walking to Golgatha
What a display of grace
I see Your weakened body beaten
Can’t keep me from crying
Your cross was very heavy
They gave it to Simon
Then You were crucified
They divided Your clothes
Like the Scriptures prophesied
You died and You rose
Two thousand years ago
Slaughtered on the tree
You gave all of You
I’m giving all of me

This I pray Lord
To be like Abraham
Ready to give it all
My only son as the lamb
Ready to sacrifice
Everything if You ask
Because nothing is mine
Not this life that I have
Everything I own
Oh Lord is a gift
So who am I
To hold it with a firm grip
I give You my talent
I give You my time
I give You my eyes
I give You my mind

by Flame ft. J.R
#deepstuff

...no time

I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do.
I had to hurry and get to work
For bills would soon be due.

So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done
My soul could rest at ease.

All day long I had no time
To spread a word of cheer.
No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They’d laugh at me I’d fear.

No time, no time, too much to do,
That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die.

I went before the Lord,
I came, I stood with downcast eyes.
For in his hands God held a book;
It was the book of life.

God looked into his book and said
Your name I cannot find.
I once was going to write it down…
But never found the time.

...I wish

“I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am.” Philippians 4:11

Of late, I have been asking myself if I am content with the circumstances that I have gone through/going through. July and August have been really tough for me, from ‘kosanaing’ with my dad which was really serious for me to broken relationships, to school…

So…let me tell you the story of my life. My name is Audrey, currently pursuing a degree in International Business Administration majoring in Finance at United States International University ,a third year student. It has been three years and honestly, I do not know what or why I’m doing I.B.A. kwanza FINANCE!!! Every morning when I wake up and the reality of going to school hits me, I dread going to school every single day of my life. All this is because what I do study, does not interest me, at all! Stock market, money and capital markets, corporate finance, accounting, balance sheets, finance statements??? Oh my God, I struggle understanding all these stuff.

I always wondered why I was not comfortable with my classes but one day God spoke to me. God speaks to us through many ways and I came to find out that God actually speaks to me through people, the guys around me. So this time round, He chose Maryanne (my BFF). One day she randomly decides to call me at midnight. Normally, I put my phone on silent (I deeply and passionately cherish my sleep) but this day I did not (Do you know why God spoke to many guys in the Bible in their dreams or those weird times of the night?? It is because that is the time when we are peaceful and not busy). So she tells me she was also having a hard time in her economics class. She does psychology and she was telling me the way, she would always look forward to her other classes but when it came to the economics one, her wish (always) was for the lecturer not to turn up. And I was like, that’s me…FOR EVERY SINGLE CLASS THAT I HAVE/HAD TO ATTEND. Maryanne is my sister from my other mother and I tell her everything that happens in my life. As I was talking to her, I came to realize that, I had given up on almost all my dreams of swimming, singing, playing the violin…*sigh. My passion was to do Music in the university but in the kind of society we live and the generation of my folks, music is not the kind of career that is for serious people, the kind of people who have focus in life, if they only knew. Since, I did not want to disappoint them (my parents), I went for my second choice, I think. I’m good at or is it in math? I love Math, back in high school; I loved my math and music lessons. My plan was that if they did not allow me to do Music, then I would go to USIU and do some business course and that…is where I ended up.

 If you ask me when all these happened? I don’t know. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know where I missed the mark, I don’t know how I ended up being like this, from being a happy girl who would always smile at all times to the girl with the monalisa smile, the kinda smile that is half genuine?

I had given up! That became my way of life, if things don’t go my way, I give up. I try to loose weight and it doesn’t seem to work out, I give up. I try to have quiet time with God, but when it seems like God is not responding, I give up. I try growing my fingernails; I give up and end up biting them (unhygienic). I try to save money but I spot these lovely earrings and nail polish that I cannot resist, I give up my savings, buy them and wear the lovely earrings once…or at times, I don’t even wear them…at all. I gave up on life, living each day with the kind of mood that I wake up in.

But you know what Maryanne asked me that day, what I will do when God asks me what I did with the gifts He gave me? I told her that I would tell him that I gave up on them, but immediately I said that, it felt soooooo wrong…I felt guilty. She then says that I shouldn’t blame God for my misery then. That right there…was a blow. The conversation went for a long time which was mostly arguing but in the end, I prayed to God and asked for help, for Him to help with the kind of situation I was going through especially my ‘school situation’. I am currently reading this book called “Celebration of Simplicity by Joyce Meyer”, (for those who know me, know the way I DON’T like reading books but I tell you, its God) and the part I was to read the following day had this verse, Philippians 4:11 “I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am.”

At this point of the Bible, it tells us about being thankful for the gift God gives us (How appropriate). Paul was content because he could see life from God’s point of view. He focused on what he was supposed to do, not what he felt he should have. Paul had his priorities straight, and he was grateful for everything God had given him. Paul had detached himself from the nonessentials so that he could concentrate on the eternal. When I finished reading, I kinda felt better. As I am writing this, nowadays I read for my exams, I listen to business news and I try to read Business daily. The other day instead of watching a Nigerian movie, I watched the North Rift Investment Conference which was seeking decentralized investment in the Northern part of Rift Valley which was held in Eldoret and I found it very interesting, surprisingly. Another thing, my three friends and I have started to keep rabbits to sell. That is a good business right there. Give it six months and business will be booming for us. Research shows that rabbit meat is high in protein and it tastes really good compared to beef, and from the look of things, you my friends will be my customers…right.

I have learned to rely on God’s promises (Jeremiah 29:11) and Christ’s power to help me be content and that, if I want more, I ask God to remove the desire and teach me contentment in every circumstances for He will supply all my needs, but in a way that He knows is best for me. It is not easy but it is possible, at times I feel like giving up and I give in but you know, we serve a God of second chances. My prayer is for God to help you and I to see life from His point of view. To focus on what you and I are supposed to do, not what we feel we should have.If you are like me, you are in a school that you did not want to go to, and you do not have the guts to tell your parents about it, be content. If your plans are not going as planned, be content because God has better plans. If you think you have bad hair, be content because you haven’t seen mine (I think if I had long, black, thick hair, no one would be telling me anything #pride). If you think you have a bad dental formula, be content, smile in all the photos you take from today henceforth and compensate for all the times you did not smile because there is someone out who loves teeth that are not in line…like me, I find such attractive #justsaying. If you think you are fat or skinny, or have a dark or light complexion, there is a reason why God created us that way but remember we are equal because we were all created in His image and likeness, be content, smile and never say… I wish.

 I am proud to say that I am a soon to be farmer and a business lady.